Writers Heart Real Producers

For everyone not working in Los Angeles or New York, there is a bit of clarification in order. You know the Writers Guild is on strike. You may also know that we are striking against AMPTP (the Association of Motion Picture and Television Producers). You might also think this group is made up of "producers". You would be understandably mistaken. At one time AMPTP was a coalition of producers, but now it is essentially eight massive corporate conglomerates that own all the movie studios and TV networks.

So the next question is, if AMPTP is simply eight enormous corporations, then who are real "producers" and what do they do? Very astute question.

From my experience, the producers that I have worked with on the film side are ridiculously smart and creative folks who essentially do three things: 1) They develop material with writers, 2) They leverage their experience and relationships to marry name actors with scripts so that studios feel comfortable spending their money, and 3) They work with the studios to get movies made. Although I haven't worked in TV, my understanding is that the job description for producers is going to brush the same fundamental strokes: They develop material, hire writing teams, attach actors, and generally try to shepherd a TV show to fruition.

Those are the people I consider to be "producers". They are witty and charming and have winning smiles and we are not at odds with them. Additionally, we are not even in conflict with the Creative Executives who work at the studios and networks. We work directly with them, and I can assure you they also smell nice and have killer crossover dribbles. No, the people we are at odds with are the corporate overlords at the eight conglomerates.

Sooooooo Jealous

I am envious. I'm not proud of it, but that doesn't seem to change matters.

Here's some background.

One of my favorite parts of the screenwriting biz is the Wish List. When you're working with producers or studio execs and a script gets to a certain point, you get to sit around and compile a list of all the actors you'd love to see in the lead roles and all the directors you think would crush this thing 12 rows into the leftfield bleachers.

It's like fantasy football, only you're talking Angelina Jolie instead of Trent Dilfer.

So last August I'm out to lunch with my Manager and a Big Time Producer, and we've each brought our wish lists and we're throwing around names. Now, one of the projects I'm developing with BTP is a smart teen comedy/romance, and the two names that I am in love with -- actors for whom I would give both kidneys to have involved -- are Ellen Page and Michael Cera.

That's right, Ellen Page and Michael Cera.

At the time of this meeting, I'd heard of Juno but didn't really know anything about it. Superbad hadn't opened yet, so I thought Michael Cera might still be a somewhat under-the-radar call. Ellen Page was amazing in Hard Candy, but by no means overexposed.

They would have been perfect. How do I know they would have been perfect? Because they are perfect... in Juno. Perfect.

We're going to be watching them both for a long time to come. And Michael Cera is going to own romantic comedies for the next two decades. He's going to have every Tom Hanks every-man role he wants. Scary smart, wicked funny, cute as a button, and guys like him, too.

And, of course, Jason Reitman was my was my wish director.

This Will Make You Cool

Absorb "I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend To Dance". Drink it in like the tonic it is.

http://www.myspace.com/blackkidsrock

The Secret Handshake

I've had a few opportunities to talk with high school and college students with an interest in screenwriting, which I always enjoy. Without fail, one of the first questions always pertains to the classic industry Catch-22 -- you can't sell a script without an agent, but you can't get an agent unless you've sold.

Well, here's the dirty secret that established writers don't want you to know. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if Diablo Cody visits me in my sleep and field dresses me like a 12-point buck for what I'm about to leak.

Your best chance is to employ a two-part system and work it in tandem.

1) Threaten an agent's family. Power only respects power, and in Hollywood there is no distinction between confidence and cockiness.

2) Purple Ink = Bidding War


Shshshsh. You didn't hear it from me.

Apparently John Mayer's Soul Is Up On Ebay

Would someone please 'splain to me why Rhett Miller is not the biggest star in the world. If you'd asked me five years ago to name a singer/songwriter who was going to blow up, I'd have picked Miller. I'm secure enough in my masculinity to say he has the looks, the charisma, and the songwriting chops to rock your pop/alt country world. Whether he's solo or with the grossly underappreciated Old 97's, he puts on one helluva show.

Check him out here. http://www.myspace.com/rhettmiller

Except the songs on his myspace page aren't actually his best. Okay, maybe that's part of the problem. Note to Rhett: put "This Is What I Do" and "4 Eyed Girl" on the site.

Strikes Make Puppies Sad

So my dog cocked her head and flopped her ears and looked at me quizzically. And the conversation went something like this...

My Dog: So, Dave, that blood trickling down the back of your thigh, is that a result of the anal buggering you're taking due to the writers' guild strike?

Me: Why, yes, puppy, it is.

My Dog: Is that because you had a couple projects with big time producers and big time talent attached that you thought were just about to get set up before the strike went from Summer of 2008 to right effing now?

Me: Why, yes, puppy, it is.

My Dog: Does that make you want to quit the strike?

Me: Not until we get a decent deal for internet redistribution of our authored work.

My Dog: Good boy.

Come Out, Virginia

Is it me, or is Spoon's "The Underdog" channeling some mid 70's style Billy Joel?

http://www.myspace.com/spoon

Because The World Needs Another Screenwriting Blog

I'm a writer, and I'm on strike. And do you know what writers do when they're on strike? They write.

I'm not writing screenplays, but I'm writing. I've written a book proposal. I've written letters to the editor. I've written songs that make the young girls cry. I've started writing prescriptions.

Then it dawned on me – what the world really needs is another blog. So here's what I bring to the table: I'm a screenwriter who has sold, done rewrite work, and been rewritten. But I have not had anything produced. Yet. I'm like that AAA ballplayer, getting paid but still riding the bus.

I started from scratch with no connections, no uncle in the business -- armed only with an unwavering desire to sleep my way to the top. So, if you're looking for the perspective of someone who's crashed the gate and is climbing over the broken bodies of the Hollywood heap, then I might be your guy.

Feel free to ask any questions, and I'll do my best to answer them.