Pencils Down

You can all stop now. We now know why the internet was invented. For this. You will never do any better, so we can all back to playing with rocks.

Your English Is Good

Tokyo Police Club. Yes, thank you.

Too Much Noise

I believe this is an example of waaaaaaaay too many words finding their way into a conversation.

Here's what this is not about:

It's not whether it was an "X" or a Cross that he burned into his students' arms.

It's not about whether he was a science teacher who didn't believe in carbon dating.

It's not whether some students thought he was a "great guy".

It's not about his friend saying, "With the exception of the cross-burning episode. ... I believe John Freshwater is teaching the values of the parents in the Mount Vernon school district."

It's not that his last name is Freshwater. Really? Freshwater?

It's not that this took place in Ohio. Florida occasionally loses the coin toss.

Here's what this is about:

He branded children.

Next.



By the way, I think it's safe to hang it up when your defense begins, "with the exception of the cross-burning episode..."

You Wouldn't Like Her When She's Angry

The wisest course of action has always always always been not to piss off the XX chromosome. Here's the story...

"A gang of teenage girls may have blown up a house with a home-made liquid bomb, which killed a man in a neighbouring property, after arguing with another girl about a love rival. Purple liquid was poured through the letterbox of the Victorian house before the an explosion destroyed three houses."

If this argument were between a couple of guys, they'd still be doing the "you want a piece of me" suburban square dance.

But these girls go online, find out how to make some extremely unstable, extremely purple explosive and...

That's messed up.

What did you do, Ray?

don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats....... EHHHHHH!

Closure

If you've been following current events, you know that as a country we have been pitted against each other on a number of topics. But none like this.

Finally, finally, finally, people, we can put this decisive issue behind us. I can not tell you how thankful I am to have this decided once and for all.

Ahhh, Kids

According to those who track this sort of thing, teenagers today are having less sex and doing fewer drugs. There was no data on rock and roll usage.

Yes, I know statistics can be massaged to say whatever those wielding the statistics want them to say. But, looking closely at this study, I'm afraid there's only one way to interpret it -- these kids need a mentor.

Rather than a Big Brother program, think of it more like a Cool Albeit Somewhat Wayward Uncle Program (CASWUP). Feel free to turn your baseball cap sideways and say it with me, "CASWUP!"

So, as the inaugural gesture of CASWUP, I think a quick vocabulary lesson is required. Kids, your first assignment is to learn this word. There will be a test. Tough love.

I Salute You

You, crazy orange dudes, are my heroes. If I were in your sandals, partying like it was 1999 BC, and a giant mechanical steel-plated pterodactyl flew overhead, I would be soiling myself in a corner of the hut.

But you grab a bow and arrow. Awesome.