The Second Oldest Profession Is Making Shit Up

Some people have noted that there used to be more screenwriting talk here. That's because there used to be more screenwriting. Or at least more screenwriting business.

Or at least more screenwriting business done by those who aren't in the upper echelon of professional screenwriters. And by that I mean the very small percentage of writers who are hired to revise the relatively small pool of scripts at the top of the studio development pyramid.

If you're not one of those folks, the last year has been an unwelcome vacation. That's because, since the fall of '07, studios have been smacked around by the Buster Douglas of uncertainty. It started in November of 2007 with the writers guild strike, followed in the spring/summer of 2008 by a potential actors strike, upstaged in September of '08 by a national economic meltdown, and capped off in the fall of the year by the return of the actors' strike.

Which means Hollywood took the year off from the spec market -- the flabby middle section of the studio film development torso.

In terms of developing spec scripts, the studios literally sat on their hands, the fence, and their wallets. Okay, clearly not literally, but you don't want to break stride when a barrage of "sitting" metaphors comes your way.

But, hopefully, after nearly 15 months, Hollywood is close to getting it's streetwalking ass back out to the curb. Because, yes, sugar, I need a date.

Right about now -- to which I am openly contemplating sacrificing something virginal or delicious -- SAG leadership is coming to terms with the fact that there are just too many variables working against them to take AMPTP to the mat this time around.

As a WGA member, I've gone from being firmly behind SAG leadership, to watching AFTRA eviscerate them, to realizing the timing is just plain against them taking a crack at what they're after.

You can get a more specific overview here.

But my feeling is that at this point, they're going to have to take the deal they've been offered, spend the next three years solidifying all the creative unions under one banner for the next round of negotiations, and call it a day. Or, rather, more than 180 days since biz could have gotten back to normal.

Did I mention I need a date.

It's Too Easy To Mock...

But what if -- just imagine it -- what if everyone did this.

Everyone but me of course, because, I mean, Angle Grinder Man is taken. I told you it was too easy to mock.

Asleep At The Switch

So I'm late to the game. Somehow The Touch Alliance managed to dodge my radar for at least a couple years. Not sure how they managed that when they're like a speedball of Bubble Yum and Pop Rocks.



Followed by a line of pure, uncut Pixy Stix (straw conveniently included). You know, as an eye opener.



Then, just to take the edge off, there's the Gummi Bear suppository. Don't ask. But hear more here.

And, yes, I was alerted to the fact that The Tough Alliance was recently seen sharing a booth at the Racine Comfort Inn with ...

AAAAND it's less than blue book

The best version of truth in advertising.

I'll Stay Forever

While I can see these guys being a bunch of douche nozzles tipping 8% in an IHOP, the song is indisputably way cooler than me.

Stay Away From The Foos

Still in the lounge at the Racine Comfort Inn, while Longwave read their press clippings comparing them to a cross between Radiohead and The Strokes...


They happen to see the four dudes at the foosball table and reconsider the skinny pants.

Taking a Leak

In back of the Racine Comfort Inn. Earning their bar band cred, The Whore Moans take a drunken leak on the dumpster.

Obeying standard urination protocol, they keep their eyes leveled straight ahead...


Until they realize the wrecked old fucker next to them is pissing directly on their leg.



And laughing about it.