The best version of truth in advertising.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
I'll Stay Forever
While I can see these guys being a bunch of douche nozzles tipping 8% in an IHOP, the song is indisputably way cooler than me.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Stay Away From The Foos
Still in the lounge at the Racine Comfort Inn, while Longwave read their press clippings comparing them to a cross between Radiohead and The Strokes...
They happen to see the four dudes at the foosball table and reconsider the skinny pants.
They happen to see the four dudes at the foosball table and reconsider the skinny pants.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Taking a Leak
In back of the Racine Comfort Inn. Earning their bar band cred, The Whore Moans take a drunken leak on the dumpster.
Obeying standard urination protocol, they keep their eyes leveled straight ahead...
Until they realize the wrecked old fucker next to them is pissing directly on their leg.
And laughing about it.
Obeying standard urination protocol, they keep their eyes leveled straight ahead...
Until they realize the wrecked old fucker next to them is pissing directly on their leg.
And laughing about it.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Into The Dish Room
And back at the Racine Comfort Inn lounge, Dawn Of The Dead push back from their table...
And stroll -- all bass lines and synthesizer -- into the steam of the dish room to bum a smoke from ...
And a light from...
And stroll -- all bass lines and synthesizer -- into the steam of the dish room to bum a smoke from ...
And a light from...
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
What A New Day Looks Like
I know this isn't politically correct, but I think the visual disparity is both historic and poignant.
Wow. Jawlines.
Wow. Jawlines.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Holy, Er, Loveliness
I know all the words to Holy Fuck's "Lovely Allen" and, no, I don't know why the first twenty seconds are blank.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Goddamn Right
Three years ago I would have given you even money that Cheney would find a way to impose martial law and November 4, 2008 wouldn't happen.
So, given that...
So, given that...
Sunday, November 2, 2008
A Nice Piece of Set
Back to the screenwriting stuff. Remember that? More precisely, back to set pieces. Remember those? And I apologize in advance, because apparently most people have an inherent understanding of set pieces, where as I think (now at least) the term is often misused.
So, I want to refine what I talked about before. In short, I said there are organic set pieces which serve the characters and the story, and there are moronic ones which are simply noise and commotion intended to be trailer moments.
But now my feeling is this: I was accepting a flawed definition of "set piece". Even more, I think it's an undernourished definition that a lot of people accept without really thinking about it.
Here's why (at least for comedies and character driven pieces): While most set pieces do make for trailer moments, trailer moments are by no means set pieces. It's not a tidy, reciprocal exchange. My mistake was looking at all the bright, shiny, noisy, orchestrated moments in trailers and assuming they were set pieces simply because... they were in trailers.
Because for comedies and character driven pieces, the set piece is something an actor is going to pull off, rather than the CGI designer or the stunt team.
And the reason I think the distinction is important is because -- while I'm never going to tell a studio exec they're mistakenly conflating the two -- it's probably valuable to keep an awareness of the dynamic in my back pocket.
So, let's tear it all down and go back to the origination of the term. Originally, a "set piece" was a physical component of a play that was so crucial to the story that it was/is articulated in the initial description of the set. All other props can be mentioned as they occur in the play, but set pieces were/are the critical pieces that a set designer and reader need to know about up front.
I'm not saying that's how the term is used in screenplays, but it's useful to understand how the original term applies to screenplays: When done right, set pieces are moments crucial to the telling of the story. Whether they are moments that change a character's worldview, or moments that change the course of the story, or moments that surprise the characters, they are the moments the actor is going to pull off.
And to take it a step further, I'd say they are the moments you are writing towards. The moments that -- when you first sit down to tackle a screenplay -- they're the ones you can't wait to get to, because all of what goes before or comes after hangs on these set pieces.
Identify those moments (character transition, change of worldview, audience reveal, etc.), buff them out so you aren't underselling them, and you'll have memorable (and legitimate) character based set pieces.
So, I want to refine what I talked about before. In short, I said there are organic set pieces which serve the characters and the story, and there are moronic ones which are simply noise and commotion intended to be trailer moments.
But now my feeling is this: I was accepting a flawed definition of "set piece". Even more, I think it's an undernourished definition that a lot of people accept without really thinking about it.
Here's why (at least for comedies and character driven pieces): While most set pieces do make for trailer moments, trailer moments are by no means set pieces. It's not a tidy, reciprocal exchange. My mistake was looking at all the bright, shiny, noisy, orchestrated moments in trailers and assuming they were set pieces simply because... they were in trailers.
Because for comedies and character driven pieces, the set piece is something an actor is going to pull off, rather than the CGI designer or the stunt team.
And the reason I think the distinction is important is because -- while I'm never going to tell a studio exec they're mistakenly conflating the two -- it's probably valuable to keep an awareness of the dynamic in my back pocket.
So, let's tear it all down and go back to the origination of the term. Originally, a "set piece" was a physical component of a play that was so crucial to the story that it was/is articulated in the initial description of the set. All other props can be mentioned as they occur in the play, but set pieces were/are the critical pieces that a set designer and reader need to know about up front.
I'm not saying that's how the term is used in screenplays, but it's useful to understand how the original term applies to screenplays: When done right, set pieces are moments crucial to the telling of the story. Whether they are moments that change a character's worldview, or moments that change the course of the story, or moments that surprise the characters, they are the moments the actor is going to pull off.
And to take it a step further, I'd say they are the moments you are writing towards. The moments that -- when you first sit down to tackle a screenplay -- they're the ones you can't wait to get to, because all of what goes before or comes after hangs on these set pieces.
Identify those moments (character transition, change of worldview, audience reveal, etc.), buff them out so you aren't underselling them, and you'll have memorable (and legitimate) character based set pieces.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Even Better Than Ezra
Ezra Furman and The Harpoons. You'll have to hit play after the advert (I know, what is this, 2006?)
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Coolest New Song Ever
Okay, so Kate Bush was piloting a day-glo sleigh full of munchkins over the happiest rainbow ever. No, really.
Passion Pit's Sleepyhead.
And the live version sounds shockingly good, too.
Passion Pit's Sleepyhead.
And the live version sounds shockingly good, too.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
From The Bottom Of The Glass
Back to the lounge at the Racine Comfort Inn, where indie bands stare into their Maker's Mark and catch the irrefutable reflection of their own DNA.
Such as it is for Northern Portrait...
...as the whiskey beads away from the ice in their glass and the letters begin to appear... T... R... A...
Such as it is for Northern Portrait...
...as the whiskey beads away from the ice in their glass and the letters begin to appear... T... R... A...
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Back To Racine
Into the lounge, past the dark corner, over to the happy hour buffet at the Comfort Inn.
As The Shout Out Louds reach for the last fried mozzarella stick...
(no it's not a real video, shut up and listen)
... A familiar pale hand appears, scooping up the deep fried synthetic log.
As The Shout Out Louds reach for the last fried mozzarella stick...
(no it's not a real video, shut up and listen)
... A familiar pale hand appears, scooping up the deep fried synthetic log.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Public Service Announcement
Do not date this man. Three and half years later he'll still think you're just trying to make him jealous.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Another Tearful Reunion
And in another corner of the lounge in the Racine Comfort Inn, Gaslight Anthem's celebratory toasts are interrupted...
... by the gaunt stranger at the bar.
... by the gaunt stranger at the bar.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Domestic Affairs
Good to see we've got the illegal immigration problem on the run.
"The drop reflects the weakness of the economy, particularly the sectors that employ undocumented workers like construction," said Harley Shaiken, a professor at UC Berkeley specializing in labor issues, said there are a number of powerful forces reducing the numbers of undocumented immigrants. "People are less likely to risk everything to get here if they can't get a job."
Because, you know, how many squatters do you see in burning buildings.
"The drop reflects the weakness of the economy, particularly the sectors that employ undocumented workers like construction," said Harley Shaiken, a professor at UC Berkeley specializing in labor issues, said there are a number of powerful forces reducing the numbers of undocumented immigrants. "People are less likely to risk everything to get here if they can't get a job."
Because, you know, how many squatters do you see in burning buildings.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Tearful Reunion
It will probably happen in the lounge of the Racine Comfort Inn. The Rumble Strips, on their first American tour, will walk in. And there, in a dark corner of the bar, the band will see them. And they'll know instantly. No words will be necessary.
The Rumble Strips...
The Rumble Strips - Girls and Boys in Love
The Rumble Strips...
The Rumble Strips - Girls and Boys in Love
To Do List
When I am an 84-year-old Buddhist nun I hope I, too, am writing young adult novels on a cell phone.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Pipes
These aren't new, but it never hurts to be reminded that Regina Spektor got second and third helpings of cosmic pixie mojo sprinkled all over her. And the first two were directed by Marc Webb, who's got his own sort of genius working, too.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Bound Stems
The unholy love child of Modest Mouse and Mates of State. I think I mean that in a good way.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Only A Matter Of Time
From the It's Not A Matter Of If But When department -- in what product's advertisement will you soon be hearing this song by Human Highway? Smart money is on Volkswagen.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Still Catching Up
French Kicks.
No, it's not nearly new. Yes, I'm finally getting around to KEXP podcasts from months ago. No, I can't find an official video for it. Yes, it's worth your time.
Stream it, bitch. Or my mom can stream it here (she gets her own non-bitch link; everyone else is on the honor system to use the bitch link). There's no separate but equal where mom is concerned.
No, it's not nearly new. Yes, I'm finally getting around to KEXP podcasts from months ago. No, I can't find an official video for it. Yes, it's worth your time.
Stream it, bitch. Or my mom can stream it here (she gets her own non-bitch link; everyone else is on the honor system to use the bitch link). There's no separate but equal where mom is concerned.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Thanks for waiting
Apparently I've been busy. So, in short order, I know I'm behind the curve here, but still...
Born Ruffians. Hummingbird was the song that initially made my earholes happy.
But I also dig the sound of their myspace offerings.
Born Ruffians. Hummingbird was the song that initially made my earholes happy.
But I also dig the sound of their myspace offerings.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
In Case Of Emergency...
... or general doldrums, break glass and play Lonesome Hearts, Cassettes Won't Listen's remix of Pela's Lost To The Lonesome. Man, that was a lot of words when all you had to do was click here.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
WCWJTWSAHAWAS
For those of you playing along at home, that's Which Cheek Would Jesus Turn While Stabbing A Hell's Angel With A Screwdriver?
Sunday, August 10, 2008
No, better
Dreamy techno pop from Air France. Once you get past the mildly redundant opening minute, the rest makes me want to get my Miss Thang on. If you need me, I can be found sashaying with reckless abandon at the 3:15 mark.
Friday, August 8, 2008
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Monday, July 21, 2008
Sunday, July 13, 2008
From The Great Lakes State
As one who spent the summers of his formative years in Michigan, I can attest that Kid's vid comes pretty close to capturing the summers here. Although, and I hate to quibble, I seem to remember more pole dancing.
Then again, I guess it wouldn't be fair to expect Kid Rock's teenage years to hold up to mine.
Then again, I guess it wouldn't be fair to expect Kid Rock's teenage years to hold up to mine.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Pencils Down
You can all stop now. We now know why the internet was invented. For this. You will never do any better, so we can all back to playing with rocks.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Friday, June 20, 2008
Too Much Noise
I believe this is an example of waaaaaaaay too many words finding their way into a conversation.
Here's what this is not about:
It's not whether it was an "X" or a Cross that he burned into his students' arms.
It's not about whether he was a science teacher who didn't believe in carbon dating.
It's not whether some students thought he was a "great guy".
It's not about his friend saying, "With the exception of the cross-burning episode. ... I believe John Freshwater is teaching the values of the parents in the Mount Vernon school district."
It's not that his last name is Freshwater. Really? Freshwater?
It's not that this took place in Ohio. Florida occasionally loses the coin toss.
Here's what this is about:
He branded children.
Next.
By the way, I think it's safe to hang it up when your defense begins, "with the exception of the cross-burning episode..."
Here's what this is not about:
It's not whether it was an "X" or a Cross that he burned into his students' arms.
It's not about whether he was a science teacher who didn't believe in carbon dating.
It's not whether some students thought he was a "great guy".
It's not about his friend saying, "With the exception of the cross-burning episode. ... I believe John Freshwater is teaching the values of the parents in the Mount Vernon school district."
It's not that his last name is Freshwater. Really? Freshwater?
It's not that this took place in Ohio. Florida occasionally loses the coin toss.
Here's what this is about:
He branded children.
Next.
By the way, I think it's safe to hang it up when your defense begins, "with the exception of the cross-burning episode..."
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
You Wouldn't Like Her When She's Angry
The wisest course of action has always always always been not to piss off the XX chromosome. Here's the story...
"A gang of teenage girls may have blown up a house with a home-made liquid bomb, which killed a man in a neighbouring property, after arguing with another girl about a love rival. Purple liquid was poured through the letterbox of the Victorian house before the an explosion destroyed three houses."
If this argument were between a couple of guys, they'd still be doing the "you want a piece of me" suburban square dance.
But these girls go online, find out how to make some extremely unstable, extremely purple explosive and...
That's messed up.
"A gang of teenage girls may have blown up a house with a home-made liquid bomb, which killed a man in a neighbouring property, after arguing with another girl about a love rival. Purple liquid was poured through the letterbox of the Victorian house before the an explosion destroyed three houses."
If this argument were between a couple of guys, they'd still be doing the "you want a piece of me" suburban square dance.
But these girls go online, find out how to make some extremely unstable, extremely purple explosive and...
That's messed up.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
What did you do, Ray?
don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats....... EHHHHHH!
Monday, June 9, 2008
Closure
If you've been following current events, you know that as a country we have been pitted against each other on a number of topics. But none like this.
Finally, finally, finally, people, we can put this decisive issue behind us. I can not tell you how thankful I am to have this decided once and for all.
Finally, finally, finally, people, we can put this decisive issue behind us. I can not tell you how thankful I am to have this decided once and for all.
Friday, June 6, 2008
Ahhh, Kids
According to those who track this sort of thing, teenagers today are having less sex and doing fewer drugs. There was no data on rock and roll usage.
Yes, I know statistics can be massaged to say whatever those wielding the statistics want them to say. But, looking closely at this study, I'm afraid there's only one way to interpret it -- these kids need a mentor.
Rather than a Big Brother program, think of it more like a Cool Albeit Somewhat Wayward Uncle Program (CASWUP). Feel free to turn your baseball cap sideways and say it with me, "CASWUP!"
So, as the inaugural gesture of CASWUP, I think a quick vocabulary lesson is required. Kids, your first assignment is to learn this word. There will be a test. Tough love.
Yes, I know statistics can be massaged to say whatever those wielding the statistics want them to say. But, looking closely at this study, I'm afraid there's only one way to interpret it -- these kids need a mentor.
Rather than a Big Brother program, think of it more like a Cool Albeit Somewhat Wayward Uncle Program (CASWUP). Feel free to turn your baseball cap sideways and say it with me, "CASWUP!"
So, as the inaugural gesture of CASWUP, I think a quick vocabulary lesson is required. Kids, your first assignment is to learn this word. There will be a test. Tough love.
Monday, June 2, 2008
I Salute You
You, crazy orange dudes, are my heroes. If I were in your sandals, partying like it was 1999 BC, and a giant mechanical steel-plated pterodactyl flew overhead, I would be soiling myself in a corner of the hut.
But you grab a bow and arrow. Awesome.
But you grab a bow and arrow. Awesome.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Now You've Gone Too Far
Apparently there is a movement (pun initially unintended but now arguably intended simply by inclusion) in San Francisco to rename Oceanside Wastewater Treatment Facility to the “George W. Bush Sewage Plant.”
Come on, San Francisco, you've definitely crossed the line. What did that poor sewage plant ever do to you?
Come on, San Francisco, you've definitely crossed the line. What did that poor sewage plant ever do to you?
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Running Unopposed
A 13-year-old boy in Texas snagged his dad's credit card and went on a $30,000 spending spree that ended with him and his friends playing Xbox with hookers in a hotel. When busted he told police that his father wouldn't mind, since it was his birthday last week and his dad had forgotten to get him a present. The father, a lawyer, said he had been too busy, but would take him on a surprise trip to Disneyland instead.
Let's see...
Misappropriation of funds -- check
Fraud -- check
Great excuse -- check
Keeping Your Homies Hooked Up -- check
Hookers -- check
Going To Disneyland -- check
Future Governor -- check
Let's see...
Misappropriation of funds -- check
Fraud -- check
Great excuse -- check
Keeping Your Homies Hooked Up -- check
Hookers -- check
Going To Disneyland -- check
Future Governor -- check
Monday, May 12, 2008
The Rock Island Line
Please tell me that at least somebody here was drunk.
Rock Island, Tennesee (AP) - Sometimes, you just know it’s going to be a bad day. Just ask Justin Hill, a 42-year-old Tennessee man.
One minute he’s turning in to his driveway - then he’s on his way to hospital, watching his home go up in flames. Then he got a traffic ticket. Tennessee police say Hill got into a crash after turning into the path of an oncoming car Tuesday evening.
Hill’s wife heard the crash and ran outside, leaving her cooking on the kitchen stove. Within minutes, their trailer was on fire, and firefighters who had responded to the accident found themselves fighting the blaze. The rural central Tennessee home has extensive damage.
Hill was treated at the hospital and released, but he was cited in the accident for failure to yield.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
in the belly
Still under the gun on two scripts. In the meantime, the 5 Years Time Sampler from Noah and the Whales makes me smile.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Space Hardware
New Billy Bragg is out (the first in six years). And since his myspace page seems to have been hijacked by a mariachi band, here's a little of Billy solidifying his continued relevance with the buttonishly cute Kate Nash.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Genius
Looks like one take using nothing but the acoustics of the surrounding buildings. In France. I may have to bum a clove cigarette.
Monday, April 21, 2008
But At Least We're Enjoying The Ride
So there are carnivorous fish with bad attitudes that can live on land for days.
And the flowers are losing their smells.
I'm paying $3.50 a gallon for gas while Exxon Mobil posted the highest quarterly AND annual profits for ANY U.S. COMPANY EVER.
But at least REM are back. I mean really, really back.
And the flowers are losing their smells.
I'm paying $3.50 a gallon for gas while Exxon Mobil posted the highest quarterly AND annual profits for ANY U.S. COMPANY EVER.
But at least REM are back. I mean really, really back.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
The Apocalypse Is Now
I think the four horsemen are strolling down my street. According to the article, this is a charming new kids book...
"From 'My Beautiful Mommy:' A girl accompanies mom on a cosmetic surgery consultation. Mom explains she'll soon be 'prettier,' and shows where the bandages will be, and the finished product."
Can you say "aug-men-tation". I knew you could.
"From 'My Beautiful Mommy:' A girl accompanies mom on a cosmetic surgery consultation. Mom explains she'll soon be 'prettier,' and shows where the bandages will be, and the finished product."
Can you say "aug-men-tation". I knew you could.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
The Romantic In Me
And in other news:
"Bernie Peng reprogrammed his girlfriend's copy of Bejeweled so that the screen went clear and a ring a dropped down when she reached a certain score.
To the joy of nerds everywhere, Tammy Li said yes.
"Bernie Peng reprogrammed his girlfriend's copy of Bejeweled so that the screen went clear and a ring a dropped down when she reached a certain score.
To the joy of nerds everywhere, Tammy Li said yes.
Mr Peng, a financial software programmer and blogger from New Jersey, said that it took him a month to alter the game's code on the Nintendo DS console, but that it was well worth the effort."
Personally, I am stunned and blown away. This guy knows a girl.Monday, April 14, 2008
Mark Dery
I had to read it twice, but it explains why it always strikes me that the most vocal Evangelical Christians have failed to run the WWJD variable through their logarithm.
"Conservative Christianity has little to do with theology and everything to do with the culture wars; making sense of it requires not just a rationalist-materialist critique but an ethnographic/anthropological angle of attack.)"
I think I have a little blog crush on Shovelware. Come on, he called Ann Coulter an intellectual ectomorph.
Thanks to boingboing for introducing him to me.
"Conservative Christianity has little to do with theology and everything to do with the culture wars; making sense of it requires not just a rationalist-materialist critique but an ethnographic/anthropological angle of attack.)"
I think I have a little blog crush on Shovelware. Come on, he called Ann Coulter an intellectual ectomorph.
Thanks to boingboing for introducing him to me.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Big Ups
Hearty congrats to the tragically handsome Matt Tobey, the new editor of Comedy Centrals blog, The Insider.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Why Stuff Takes So Long
So, there's the big romantic comedy script that I'm working on with the cool producers. But we still haven't nailed down the ending.
And there's the book proposal that I thought we were about to take out, but now the lit agent in NY wants to rethink the title. And she might want my wife to come on board as a co-author. Because the nature of the book might be better served if we don't just walk in, unfurl the XY, and slap it on the table.
And there's the family comedy script with the important actor/comedian attached, but the producers want more set pieces.
And then there's the older script that just go resurrected, and the web strip, and the best lunch on the planet.
This is why stuff takes sooooo long.
And there's the book proposal that I thought we were about to take out, but now the lit agent in NY wants to rethink the title. And she might want my wife to come on board as a co-author. Because the nature of the book might be better served if we don't just walk in, unfurl the XY, and slap it on the table.
And there's the family comedy script with the important actor/comedian attached, but the producers want more set pieces.
And then there's the older script that just go resurrected, and the web strip, and the best lunch on the planet.
This is why stuff takes sooooo long.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Monday, March 24, 2008
The Hold Steady
Make me ashamed that I'm not willing to embrace the hangover and bum smokes and wake up bruised. They make my pussihood all too apparent. How did I get like this?
Lyric of the day, from Stuck Between Stations: She was a really cool kisser and she wasn't all that strict of a Christian.
Lyric of the day, from Stuck Between Stations: She was a really cool kisser and she wasn't all that strict of a Christian.
Would You Like That To Go?
From the Hollywood to English Dictionary:
Take Out, v. To introduce a pitch or spec script to potential buyers (aka The Town).
In the real world "take out" is used in reference to Chinese food. And garbage.
In the not real world you "take out" the pitch or script with the goal of it being "picked up". Which, yeah, sounds pretty much like the garbage analogy. Just without the curb.
Forget I said anything.
Take Out, v. To introduce a pitch or spec script to potential buyers (aka The Town).
In the real world "take out" is used in reference to Chinese food. And garbage.
In the not real world you "take out" the pitch or script with the goal of it being "picked up". Which, yeah, sounds pretty much like the garbage analogy. Just without the curb.
Forget I said anything.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
I'm confused
I don't get it. What's this Obama guy talking about?
Oh, wait.
Is this what intellectual honesty sounds like? Is this what conversing like grownups sounds like? Is this what a necessary political speech without patronization sounds like? Is this what addressing unpleasant realities and owning them sounds like?
Is that what telling the truth sounds like?
I could get used to this.
Oh, wait.
Is this what intellectual honesty sounds like? Is this what conversing like grownups sounds like? Is this what a necessary political speech without patronization sounds like? Is this what addressing unpleasant realities and owning them sounds like?
Is that what telling the truth sounds like?
I could get used to this.
Friday, March 14, 2008
More Lingo
From the Hollywood to English dictionary:
The Town, n. 1. Los Angeles. 2. Except not all of Los Angeles. 3. Really just the film and television business. 4. Which thinks its all of Los Angeles.
People who work in the industry like to refer to the industry as The Town. Which, I guess means The Town refers to the town as The Town.
The Town is a collective. The Town speaks with one voice. Right now, I'm being told that The Town hasn't indicated whether it's business as usual yet following the writers' strike. The Town is waiting to see how the actors' contract shakes out. The Town can be coy.
The Town is also emotional. During the writers strike, the town was clinically depressed. The town didn't shower for a month. The town subsisted on Cherry Garcia and Cheetos and a tivoed Dog Whisperer marathon.
One day The Town decided that all meetings would come with the option of cold or room temperature water. Except the town didn't actually offer room temperature water -- the Town asked if "you wanted it room?" Because the town doesn't have time for superfluous four syllable words like "temperature".
Just like when you phone someone and they're not in (i.e. not in for you), the Town asks if the person you're calling can "return". The town is much too busy for the words "your call". The Town is an ergonomic ballet with no wasted movement.
"Hi, Dave Wells calling for The Town."
"She's in a meeting. Can she return?"
My feeling is - of course - she can return. She has every right to return. Why couldn't she return?
Unless The Town has banished her from the town.
The Town, n. 1. Los Angeles. 2. Except not all of Los Angeles. 3. Really just the film and television business. 4. Which thinks its all of Los Angeles.
People who work in the industry like to refer to the industry as The Town. Which, I guess means The Town refers to the town as The Town.
The Town is a collective. The Town speaks with one voice. Right now, I'm being told that The Town hasn't indicated whether it's business as usual yet following the writers' strike. The Town is waiting to see how the actors' contract shakes out. The Town can be coy.
The Town is also emotional. During the writers strike, the town was clinically depressed. The town didn't shower for a month. The town subsisted on Cherry Garcia and Cheetos and a tivoed Dog Whisperer marathon.
One day The Town decided that all meetings would come with the option of cold or room temperature water. Except the town didn't actually offer room temperature water -- the Town asked if "you wanted it room?" Because the town doesn't have time for superfluous four syllable words like "temperature".
Just like when you phone someone and they're not in (i.e. not in for you), the Town asks if the person you're calling can "return". The town is much too busy for the words "your call". The Town is an ergonomic ballet with no wasted movement.
"Hi, Dave Wells calling for The Town."
"She's in a meeting. Can she return?"
My feeling is - of course - she can return. She has every right to return. Why couldn't she return?
Unless The Town has banished her from the town.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Friday, March 7, 2008
Pigs Doing Backflips
From the Hollywood to English dictionary:
set piece, n. an elaborate sequence which sees either a chase, fight, or other action taking place in an original and memorable way. Trailer moments.
For my money, there are two types of set pieces -- organic and stupid.
As the word implies, the organic ones happen naturally and serve the story. Again, obviously, they arise most readily in action flicks because, um, they're action flicks. There's no action if you don't have Neo going all slow motion on somebody, or Harrison Ford falling a nautical mile out of a drainage pipe, or Jason Bourne just trying to brush his teeth.
But in comedies it's trickier. Especially with more character-based comedies. Because these are typically stories that wouldn't have set pieces. If you're dealing with two reasonably intelligent characters, odds are not good that they would actually end up hanging off a cliff with lemmings running up their pant legs.
What complicates matters is that studio execs love the idea of set pieces. Why -- because it's an easy critique. To the point that the phrase has become the go-to response for less than energetic development execs. They use set pieces as a crutch, because no one is calling bullshit.
Hey, here's an idea. Let's list every movie that tanked last year. I bet they all had set pieces.
Set pieces - as a tool for selling a movie - may have had a place five or ten years ago. I'm not arguing that it didn't make sense to look at it like this: Some movies had natural set pieces. Those set pieces were used in trailers. The movies made big ass money.
But trailers -- like everything else -- evolve. I'm not convinced set pieces sell movies like they used to, because audiences have evolved. They won't be fooled again. Good, natural set pieces sell movies -- but that's because those movies have naturally big moments.
Maybe I'm just sensitive to this right now, because I've been handed the note to add a few set pieces. But you don't just slap some hijinks in. Audiences are smarter than that. Juno -- like it or not -- made a hundred million dollars by at least showing some respect for their characters.
You want to force set pieces just to say you have set pieces? Then you're going to end up with The College Road Trip. Which will make some money, but that's because of the names and the marketing dollars, not because anyone finds tasers to the gut or pigs doing backflips funny.
set piece, n. an elaborate sequence which sees either a chase, fight, or other action taking place in an original and memorable way. Trailer moments.
For my money, there are two types of set pieces -- organic and stupid.
As the word implies, the organic ones happen naturally and serve the story. Again, obviously, they arise most readily in action flicks because, um, they're action flicks. There's no action if you don't have Neo going all slow motion on somebody, or Harrison Ford falling a nautical mile out of a drainage pipe, or Jason Bourne just trying to brush his teeth.
But in comedies it's trickier. Especially with more character-based comedies. Because these are typically stories that wouldn't have set pieces. If you're dealing with two reasonably intelligent characters, odds are not good that they would actually end up hanging off a cliff with lemmings running up their pant legs.
What complicates matters is that studio execs love the idea of set pieces. Why -- because it's an easy critique. To the point that the phrase has become the go-to response for less than energetic development execs. They use set pieces as a crutch, because no one is calling bullshit.
Hey, here's an idea. Let's list every movie that tanked last year. I bet they all had set pieces.
Set pieces - as a tool for selling a movie - may have had a place five or ten years ago. I'm not arguing that it didn't make sense to look at it like this: Some movies had natural set pieces. Those set pieces were used in trailers. The movies made big ass money.
But trailers -- like everything else -- evolve. I'm not convinced set pieces sell movies like they used to, because audiences have evolved. They won't be fooled again. Good, natural set pieces sell movies -- but that's because those movies have naturally big moments.
Maybe I'm just sensitive to this right now, because I've been handed the note to add a few set pieces. But you don't just slap some hijinks in. Audiences are smarter than that. Juno -- like it or not -- made a hundred million dollars by at least showing some respect for their characters.
You want to force set pieces just to say you have set pieces? Then you're going to end up with The College Road Trip. Which will make some money, but that's because of the names and the marketing dollars, not because anyone finds tasers to the gut or pigs doing backflips funny.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Grand Is Right
Grand Archives enjoy DNA from Band Of Horses.
Plus, there's whistling that doesn't make me want to kill anyone, which is rare. So whistle while you can, because when I am king... punishable by death.
Plus, there's whistling that doesn't make me want to kill anyone, which is rare. So whistle while you can, because when I am king... punishable by death.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Representin'
It's a question I see a lot of screenwriters at the foothills of the heap ask: Agent or Manager?
First, let's define the differences. In my experience...
Managers typically have fewer clients, provide more hands-on script development, focus on networking opportunities (setting up meetings), and are more often in a position to be willing to "break" a new writer.
Agents typically have more clients, offer less one-on-one time, and focus more on making a sale or securing a writing assignment. Agents are registered with the state of California.
Managers are not registered with the state and, technically, are not supposed to negotiate a deal (they'll set you up with an entertainment attorney for that).
Think of it this way: A Manager is more like your Research & Development Department and your Marketing Department. An Agent is more like your Sales Force.
Because agencies come with a verifiable reputation and track record, it should be easier to do your homework on an agent. In theory, they should be more of a known commodity.
Because anybody can hang up a shingle and call themselves a manager, you need to do your due diligence. Both managers and agents will get a 10% commission on any money you make while working with them.
Any manager or agent who asks you to pay upfront for any service whatsoever is not legit. Run away.
So, back to the original question. If you're a new writer looking to break in, my feeling is that you have a better shot at aligning yourself with a manager who is willing to take on new clients. You want someone with good script development instincts who knows a lot of people. This is your chance to get your calling card script into a lot of peoples' hands.
And if things go well, the manager can hook you up with an agent.
The other option is to look for an ambitious junior agent who's willing to work with unknown writers.
And of course, there's the Big Ass Caveat -- there is no instruction manual. There is no definitive road map. There is no blueprint for a career path. It happens differently for everyone.
First, let's define the differences. In my experience...
Managers typically have fewer clients, provide more hands-on script development, focus on networking opportunities (setting up meetings), and are more often in a position to be willing to "break" a new writer.
Agents typically have more clients, offer less one-on-one time, and focus more on making a sale or securing a writing assignment. Agents are registered with the state of California.
Managers are not registered with the state and, technically, are not supposed to negotiate a deal (they'll set you up with an entertainment attorney for that).
Think of it this way: A Manager is more like your Research & Development Department and your Marketing Department. An Agent is more like your Sales Force.
Because agencies come with a verifiable reputation and track record, it should be easier to do your homework on an agent. In theory, they should be more of a known commodity.
Because anybody can hang up a shingle and call themselves a manager, you need to do your due diligence. Both managers and agents will get a 10% commission on any money you make while working with them.
Any manager or agent who asks you to pay upfront for any service whatsoever is not legit. Run away.
So, back to the original question. If you're a new writer looking to break in, my feeling is that you have a better shot at aligning yourself with a manager who is willing to take on new clients. You want someone with good script development instincts who knows a lot of people. This is your chance to get your calling card script into a lot of peoples' hands.
And if things go well, the manager can hook you up with an agent.
The other option is to look for an ambitious junior agent who's willing to work with unknown writers.
And of course, there's the Big Ass Caveat -- there is no instruction manual. There is no definitive road map. There is no blueprint for a career path. It happens differently for everyone.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Rocket Science
Yes, it's top of the queue time. And get ready to start saying "there's a cello in your house now."
Monday, February 25, 2008
I Really Don't Know Clouds
I can see both sides of the Diablo Cody/Juno debate.
The first 15 minutes were overwritten to the nth degree. But the rest had heart and personality to spare. I understand that Diablo has the greatest inherent gift for self-marketing since Spike Lee. And I feel very sorry for all the readers in Hollywood who are going to spend the next year getting slapped with Cody-esque quips like "that's one doodle that can't be undid."
But last night, she showed up with a tattoo that couldn't be missed, and a history of taking her clothes off in public. She made writers seem cool.
The first 15 minutes were overwritten to the nth degree. But the rest had heart and personality to spare. I understand that Diablo has the greatest inherent gift for self-marketing since Spike Lee. And I feel very sorry for all the readers in Hollywood who are going to spend the next year getting slapped with Cody-esque quips like "that's one doodle that can't be undid."
But last night, she showed up with a tattoo that couldn't be missed, and a history of taking her clothes off in public. She made writers seem cool.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Avert the Children's Eyes
I mentioned previously that acclaimed illustrator, certified sherpa, and all around spitfire Russ Walks and I are developing a web strip together.
For those of you who can't get enough of slow motion train wrecks, we've decided to offer up the entire development process in real time at Ten Thunders. Don't worry, it will get cool once Russ starts putting stylus to virtual paper.
You can also check out Russ's recent interview at starwars.com
For those of you who can't get enough of slow motion train wrecks, we've decided to offer up the entire development process in real time at Ten Thunders. Don't worry, it will get cool once Russ starts putting stylus to virtual paper.
You can also check out Russ's recent interview at starwars.com
Thursday, February 21, 2008
stuck on you
As promised/threatened, here's the beginning of what I think will be a recurring thread -- industry information for the aspiring screenwriter.
I'm not talking about the process of writing a screenplay, but the business of being a screenwriter. And part of that is learning the foreign language of Hollywood. Let's start with...
attached, adj. In the real world it means 'joined, connected, bound'.
In Hollywood it means that someone of value has verbally agreed to have their name associated with a "project", with the goal of that valuable name giving the project "momentum" or causing it to be "set up" at a studio.
For instance, we have a Comedian/Actor attached to one of my scripts. How did he get attached? His wife read the script and told him he was doing it.
How long will he be attached? Until he's not.
So now I'm doing a revision based on meetings with The Manager, The Producer, and The Comedian/Actor's people. Then The Producer will "take out" the new script to "the town" with the "attachment".
See, it's just that simple.
I'm not talking about the process of writing a screenplay, but the business of being a screenwriter. And part of that is learning the foreign language of Hollywood. Let's start with...
attached, adj. In the real world it means 'joined, connected, bound'.
In Hollywood it means that someone of value has verbally agreed to have their name associated with a "project", with the goal of that valuable name giving the project "momentum" or causing it to be "set up" at a studio.
For instance, we have a Comedian/Actor attached to one of my scripts. How did he get attached? His wife read the script and told him he was doing it.
How long will he be attached? Until he's not.
So now I'm doing a revision based on meetings with The Manager, The Producer, and The Comedian/Actor's people. Then The Producer will "take out" the new script to "the town" with the "attachment".
See, it's just that simple.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
From The Dave Doesn't Get It File
How in the holy hell has Razorlight not gotten huge in the states. Skinny british guys with big lips. And skinny pants. Isn't that how it's supposed to work?
Saturday, February 16, 2008
You Can't Get There From Here
Now that the strike is over, I was putting together a post to explain the two main projects I'm working on, and that explanation included noting that we have a Big Time Actor/Comedian attached to one of the projects and...
I started thinking about prosthetic limbs.
And trailer hitches.
And leeches.
And press-on nails.
And I seriously don't even know if they make press-on nails anymore, but the point is that all of the above get "attached".
The word "attached" is a Hollywood term. Because Hollywood feels the need to have its own language.
And this got me thinking that -- hang on, I'm getting to the important part -- if you're an aspiring screenwriter you need to understand the act of screenwriting, but you also need to understand the business of being a screenwriter.
You don't need me to talk about the act of screenwriting, because there are plenty of far more eloquent blogs doing just that. There are enough books on screenwriting to fill your library. And you can read screenplays until your eyes bleed at sites like drew's script-o-rama.
Twenty years ago you probably needed a secret handshake and a map to get some insight into the act and physical process of screenwriting. Twenty years ago, unless you could find a xeroxed copy of a script, the documents themselves probably seemed like extended haikus written in morse code -- strange, other worldly seeming glowing fish in black waters because they were so specialized and industry specific. Twenty years ago, all you probably had in terms of books was Syd Field (not sure about that and too lazy to fact check, but you get the idea).
But that's all changed.
Today there is no mystery to what scripts look like and how they're written. But there is still mystery as to what goes on in the room. And "the room" is another term (hint: you want to be "good" in there).
So this is where I'm going to focus: shining a light on the business of screenwriting. Because outside of possibly USC and UCLA, I don't know of any other sources for inside instruction on the business of being a screenwriter.
More to come...
I started thinking about prosthetic limbs.
And trailer hitches.
And leeches.
And press-on nails.
And I seriously don't even know if they make press-on nails anymore, but the point is that all of the above get "attached".
The word "attached" is a Hollywood term. Because Hollywood feels the need to have its own language.
And this got me thinking that -- hang on, I'm getting to the important part -- if you're an aspiring screenwriter you need to understand the act of screenwriting, but you also need to understand the business of being a screenwriter.
You don't need me to talk about the act of screenwriting, because there are plenty of far more eloquent blogs doing just that. There are enough books on screenwriting to fill your library. And you can read screenplays until your eyes bleed at sites like drew's script-o-rama.
Twenty years ago you probably needed a secret handshake and a map to get some insight into the act and physical process of screenwriting. Twenty years ago, unless you could find a xeroxed copy of a script, the documents themselves probably seemed like extended haikus written in morse code -- strange, other worldly seeming glowing fish in black waters because they were so specialized and industry specific. Twenty years ago, all you probably had in terms of books was Syd Field (not sure about that and too lazy to fact check, but you get the idea).
But that's all changed.
Today there is no mystery to what scripts look like and how they're written. But there is still mystery as to what goes on in the room. And "the room" is another term (hint: you want to be "good" in there).
So this is where I'm going to focus: shining a light on the business of screenwriting. Because outside of possibly USC and UCLA, I don't know of any other sources for inside instruction on the business of being a screenwriter.
More to come...
Monday, February 11, 2008
Friday, February 8, 2008
The End Is Near
At least the end of the strike, that is. Why do I think that? Because the phone's been ringing.
The Manager had a meeting with a Producer (an established member of the producer genus we love so much) and The Talent's representatives regarding a project that we were close to setting up prior to the strike.
Of course the division president who wanted to buy the project has been replaced since then. Unbelievable.
And I spent a lot of time caucusing with another Producer about a script we hope to have ready when the bell rings. It will be nice to get back to public flailing after the last few months of private flailing.
The Manager had a meeting with a Producer (an established member of the producer genus we love so much) and The Talent's representatives regarding a project that we were close to setting up prior to the strike.
Of course the division president who wanted to buy the project has been replaced since then. Unbelievable.
And I spent a lot of time caucusing with another Producer about a script we hope to have ready when the bell rings. It will be nice to get back to public flailing after the last few months of private flailing.
Monday, February 4, 2008
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Gettin' Hydrated Part III
To recap, first there is a mountain, then there is no mountain, then there is.
Also, there was a chasm, a cave, and a bridge.
And an email from The Manager informing me that he pulled my script from a pile of 1,400. He asked to see other scripts and, because I'd gone all hermit for a couple years, I had some. He liked. We talked some more.
The Manager knows lots of people. That's what managers do. I refer to The Manager as The Big Flirt, because I believe that is part of the manager job description. The Manager sent the script around to the people he knows (which, again, is a large number).
And... people liked it. Apparently I have a unique "voice". That is what people say when they like your writing. No, I don't know what it means. I try not to think about it.
And while people liked the script, nobody wanted to buy it. Because it was too "small". Too "indie". Too "fabulous". Okay, nobody said that last one.
But they did want to meet. And so I met. On all the studio lots and plenty off the lots, as well.
The first studio lot was Universal. I pulled up to the gate, the guard asked my name, I told him, he checked the computer and... gave me a pass. And a map. And told me where to park.
The checkpoint gate arm thing went up and I drove in, certain that poor bastard security guard would be canned by lunch for letting random citizens onto the lot.
And so the parade of meetings began. Free water and getting to know people.
And the thing about these meet-and-greets, they're like sex. Only with clothes, and without bodily fluids, and without the awkwardness the next time you see the studio exec, and meetings last longer, and no sex face.
But there is one similarity: When you start taking meetings, there's a period of time when you can remember each encounter. Then, after awhile, you can't.
But you know what? Even once you've become a studio slut, going on the lots is still cool. I keep expecting the day when I don't get at least a small rush, but it hasn't happened yet. And the reason I think it's still cool -- even if I know the meeting itself isn't going to be easy -- is because this is where movies get made.
Because for anyone who grew up loving movies, going in the Animation Building on the Disney lot and seeing early work-in-progress sketches of Snow White hanging on the walls -- that shit does not get old.
Also, there was a chasm, a cave, and a bridge.
And an email from The Manager informing me that he pulled my script from a pile of 1,400. He asked to see other scripts and, because I'd gone all hermit for a couple years, I had some. He liked. We talked some more.
The Manager knows lots of people. That's what managers do. I refer to The Manager as The Big Flirt, because I believe that is part of the manager job description. The Manager sent the script around to the people he knows (which, again, is a large number).
And... people liked it. Apparently I have a unique "voice". That is what people say when they like your writing. No, I don't know what it means. I try not to think about it.
And while people liked the script, nobody wanted to buy it. Because it was too "small". Too "indie". Too "fabulous". Okay, nobody said that last one.
But they did want to meet. And so I met. On all the studio lots and plenty off the lots, as well.
The first studio lot was Universal. I pulled up to the gate, the guard asked my name, I told him, he checked the computer and... gave me a pass. And a map. And told me where to park.
The checkpoint gate arm thing went up and I drove in, certain that poor bastard security guard would be canned by lunch for letting random citizens onto the lot.
And so the parade of meetings began. Free water and getting to know people.
And the thing about these meet-and-greets, they're like sex. Only with clothes, and without bodily fluids, and without the awkwardness the next time you see the studio exec, and meetings last longer, and no sex face.
But there is one similarity: When you start taking meetings, there's a period of time when you can remember each encounter. Then, after awhile, you can't.
But you know what? Even once you've become a studio slut, going on the lots is still cool. I keep expecting the day when I don't get at least a small rush, but it hasn't happened yet. And the reason I think it's still cool -- even if I know the meeting itself isn't going to be easy -- is because this is where movies get made.
Because for anyone who grew up loving movies, going in the Animation Building on the Disney lot and seeing early work-in-progress sketches of Snow White hanging on the walls -- that shit does not get old.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Friday, January 25, 2008
Dave's Rickety Bridge Part II
So I crawled out of my cave and ventured toward the chasm.
And I did some homework. For some reason I thought I was about the only one smart enough to check out a screenwriting posting board. Yes, sir, I was going to have a competitive advantage all right. Because, what, only a few million other writers, give or take, were privy to this sort of classified info.
So I found a thread talking about up-and-coming managers. A few were listed. I wrote down their names. Who knows, in retrospect, they were probably posting their names themselves, but I didn't ask any questions I didn't want answers to.
Then I sent out some query emails. I'm a believer in the less-is-more school of querying. Really, really, really less is more. Give them an interesting logline that allows their imagination to see the potential, and that's it.
I think my query went something like this...
I'm an up-and-coming screenwriter, and I recently completed a script that you may be interested in.
Title: The Floaters
Logline: A misfit high school guy realizes that the school's janitor is a washed up one-hit-wonder pop star from the eighties, and the kid convinces the janitor to help him form a band.
And that's it. I'm sure I signed off accordingly. Gave them a thanks for their time and some contact info.
Within a week or two I'd heard from a couple managers requesting the script.
Then... nothing. That's another thing you have to be prepared for: So Much Nothing. I will have to post on this in the future.
But the Nothing ended a couple months later. I received an email from the Manager that said the script I sent was the first one he'd responded to in the last 1,400 or so.
I don't include that number to brag. I include it to show why they take soooo long in responding, if they respond at all. And how much competition there is.
More to come. The script gets sent around town... and does not sell.
And I did some homework. For some reason I thought I was about the only one smart enough to check out a screenwriting posting board. Yes, sir, I was going to have a competitive advantage all right. Because, what, only a few million other writers, give or take, were privy to this sort of classified info.
So I found a thread talking about up-and-coming managers. A few were listed. I wrote down their names. Who knows, in retrospect, they were probably posting their names themselves, but I didn't ask any questions I didn't want answers to.
Then I sent out some query emails. I'm a believer in the less-is-more school of querying. Really, really, really less is more. Give them an interesting logline that allows their imagination to see the potential, and that's it.
I think my query went something like this...
I'm an up-and-coming screenwriter, and I recently completed a script that you may be interested in.
Title: The Floaters
Logline: A misfit high school guy realizes that the school's janitor is a washed up one-hit-wonder pop star from the eighties, and the kid convinces the janitor to help him form a band.
And that's it. I'm sure I signed off accordingly. Gave them a thanks for their time and some contact info.
Within a week or two I'd heard from a couple managers requesting the script.
Then... nothing. That's another thing you have to be prepared for: So Much Nothing. I will have to post on this in the future.
But the Nothing ended a couple months later. I received an email from the Manager that said the script I sent was the first one he'd responded to in the last 1,400 or so.
I don't include that number to brag. I include it to show why they take soooo long in responding, if they respond at all. And how much competition there is.
More to come. The script gets sent around town... and does not sell.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
This Man Could Sing The Phone Book (and you would cry)
Holy effing' diety of your choice.
Don't get caught up in the footage from the original and just check out his take. Matt Weddle, ladies and gentlemen.
Don't get caught up in the footage from the original and just check out his take. Matt Weddle, ladies and gentlemen.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Dave's Rickety Bridge
Christina at Development Hell asked what my crossing the chasm story was. And since I take requests, here goes.
Dave's Skinny Butt Crosses the Chasm -- Part One
When I got serious about writing screenplays I decided to...
Lock myself in a room.
For two years.
My plan was to allot two years and crank out as many scripts as I could. The idea was to rid my system of 1) all the "important"/therapy scripts, and 2) all the crappy scripts.
I succeeded on the former and failed on the latter.
The other part of my plan was to emerge from my cave with 3) a general idea of what the hell I was doing, rather than a fortunate one-script accident, and 4) a backlog of scripts to show agents and/or managers when they uttered the inevitable "what else do you have".
On those counts I more or less succeeded.
And then there was the part of the plan where I forced myself to crank out pages on a daily basis. Seven days a week (I believe that's the definition of daily). To work my ass off. To not baby one script for more than three or four months. To treat writing like a job even though I wasn't getting paid for it. To pound slabs of beef with my bare hands that were actually ground beef patties on my kitchen counter because I don't have a walk-in cooler.
Sure, I make it sound all hardcore Viking, but it was really just a guy sitting at a computer for a couple hours everyday. With a Viking hat on. And ground beef between his fingers.
So that's the way I handled it. It's different for everyone. But when I came out of the self-imposed exile, I had a script I felt good about. And a couple others that, while not as solid, I felt had decent concepts behind them (remember the WB Hallway Test)
And then I went about pursuing a manager. More to come...
Dave's Skinny Butt Crosses the Chasm -- Part One
When I got serious about writing screenplays I decided to...
Lock myself in a room.
For two years.
My plan was to allot two years and crank out as many scripts as I could. The idea was to rid my system of 1) all the "important"/therapy scripts, and 2) all the crappy scripts.
I succeeded on the former and failed on the latter.
The other part of my plan was to emerge from my cave with 3) a general idea of what the hell I was doing, rather than a fortunate one-script accident, and 4) a backlog of scripts to show agents and/or managers when they uttered the inevitable "what else do you have".
On those counts I more or less succeeded.
And then there was the part of the plan where I forced myself to crank out pages on a daily basis. Seven days a week (I believe that's the definition of daily). To work my ass off. To not baby one script for more than three or four months. To treat writing like a job even though I wasn't getting paid for it. To pound slabs of beef with my bare hands that were actually ground beef patties on my kitchen counter because I don't have a walk-in cooler.
Sure, I make it sound all hardcore Viking, but it was really just a guy sitting at a computer for a couple hours everyday. With a Viking hat on. And ground beef between his fingers.
So that's the way I handled it. It's different for everyone. But when I came out of the self-imposed exile, I had a script I felt good about. And a couple others that, while not as solid, I felt had decent concepts behind them (remember the WB Hallway Test)
And then I went about pursuing a manager. More to come...
Thursday, January 17, 2008
De La Y'all
A tip of the hat to John Richards from the totally necessary musical outpost KEXP.
This makes the ear holes very happy.
This makes the ear holes very happy.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Important Distinction #2: Free Water Rules!
Flaming unrealistic fantasy vs. Slogging through the process
Writing a good screenplay is haaaaaard. That's three syllables 'hard'.
So it makes absolute sense that everyone who's sitting down to do it on their own dime, on their own time, needs to visualize the endgame. Aspiring screenwriters need to envision the glory that's going to come from toiling at their computer until blood trickles out their ears.
They need to envision getting that agent, making that big sale, and carpooling with Diablo Cody.
They need the fantasy.
What they don't need (but I'm going to give you because, trust me, it's in your own best interest) is the reality.
What a talented aspiring screenwriter can hope to get if they work their ass off and catch some breaks is... water. And hopefully lots of it.
And an agent or manager.
The realistic goal (and I don't mean to undersell it, because it's a huge goal) is that this script will snag some representation who will get it read by people all over town. That's victory number one. Victory number two is that some of those people respond to it and want to get to know you.
Meetings.
And every meeting starts with someone offering you water. Hopefully you get so much freaking water that you find yourself stuck in Burbank traffic seriously considering doing something you haven't done since you were two.
The reality is that the script that gets you on the radar is not typically the script that makes you money.
Can the fantasy happen? Hey, people do win the lottery.
But if you want to prepare yourself for the long haul (and it can be 'long' with three syllables), then you need to plan on a series of victories. The first is free water. Which will probably lead to another spec, and more water.
If you're lucky.
Coming soon: What to expect from the free water meetings, and a little background on the script that got me hydrated.
Writing a good screenplay is haaaaaard. That's three syllables 'hard'.
So it makes absolute sense that everyone who's sitting down to do it on their own dime, on their own time, needs to visualize the endgame. Aspiring screenwriters need to envision the glory that's going to come from toiling at their computer until blood trickles out their ears.
They need to envision getting that agent, making that big sale, and carpooling with Diablo Cody.
They need the fantasy.
What they don't need (but I'm going to give you because, trust me, it's in your own best interest) is the reality.
What a talented aspiring screenwriter can hope to get if they work their ass off and catch some breaks is... water. And hopefully lots of it.
And an agent or manager.
The realistic goal (and I don't mean to undersell it, because it's a huge goal) is that this script will snag some representation who will get it read by people all over town. That's victory number one. Victory number two is that some of those people respond to it and want to get to know you.
Meetings.
And every meeting starts with someone offering you water. Hopefully you get so much freaking water that you find yourself stuck in Burbank traffic seriously considering doing something you haven't done since you were two.
The reality is that the script that gets you on the radar is not typically the script that makes you money.
Can the fantasy happen? Hey, people do win the lottery.
But if you want to prepare yourself for the long haul (and it can be 'long' with three syllables), then you need to plan on a series of victories. The first is free water. Which will probably lead to another spec, and more water.
If you're lucky.
Coming soon: What to expect from the free water meetings, and a little background on the script that got me hydrated.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Is There A Statute Of Limitations On John Mayer Bashing?
Nah, I didn't think so.
I know this is from last year, but I just heard it again and it made me want to say...
Hey, douche nozzel.
We all liked it better when it was called People Get Ready.
I know this is from last year, but I just heard it again and it made me want to say...
Hey, douche nozzel.
We all liked it better when it was called People Get Ready.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Darwinism in the Warners Bros. Hallway
There is a trait that all Top Of The Heap Screenwriters have. I'm guessing in some it is inherent, and in others it's learned.
In evolutionary terms, it could be argued that this ability is rewarded to a greater degree than any other ability, and the absence of the trait is a career death sentence. Nobody makes it to the top without it, and everyone without it stays on the other side of the chasm.
This essay from Wordplay should be day one in Hollywood 101.
In evolutionary terms, it could be argued that this ability is rewarded to a greater degree than any other ability, and the absence of the trait is a career death sentence. Nobody makes it to the top without it, and everyone without it stays on the other side of the chasm.
This essay from Wordplay should be day one in Hollywood 101.
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Sneak Preview
Russ Walks is an illustrator/artist who lives in Montana. On the cool scale, that's up there with being a musician/bartender in Key West.
Russ is also a close friend, and we're developing a web strip together. And by developing, I mean we've been talking about it for a year or so.
Just so you know, at least one of us is talented:
Russ is also a close friend, and we're developing a web strip together. And by developing, I mean we've been talking about it for a year or so.
Just so you know, at least one of us is talented:
You'll see Russ's work in a cereal aisle near you in conjunction with Indiana Jones 4. And in the beverage aisle. And 7-11. And probably a fast food joint, for all I know. The sun shall not set on the Walks empire.
He's just not the best driver is all.
He's just not the best driver is all.
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Bustin' In: The Fiery Bottomless Chasm
Okay, I guess by definition "chasms" aren't bottomless, but work with me here.
Are you a spec writer planning your assault on the studio gates by modeling your strategy after a successful route taken by another writer?
Do you say to yourself, Diablo Cody was a stripper who kept a cool blog, so I'll do that.
Or, I heard Antwone Fisher worked as a guard at Sony and he handed Denzel his script, so I'll do that.
Or, Robert Rodriguez shot his movie for a few thousand dollars and edited it on a VCR, so I'll do that.
Well, stop it. Shift your thinking a bit and picture it more like this...
Imagine you're standing at the edge of a ragged, fiery, bottomless chasm. And standing on each side of you, shoulder to shoulder, for as far as you can see, are your fellow spec writers.
On the other side of the chasm are the studios. And spanning the chasm are millions of rickety rope bridges. The wind's howling and it's real nasty and you get it.
Then, every now and then, one of your writing brethren lets out a banshee scream and goes charging across one of the wispy bridges. Most of the time they get halfway over the chasm and the bridge collapses and they disappear into shrieking fiery anguish.
But every once in a while...
Someone makes it to the other side. The angels sing, the gates part, and it's free hookers and blow for everyone.
But what most of the writers still standing across the chasm don't notice is that just as the lucky writer made it to solid land, the bridge that writer chose disappeared in a phit (made up word, but it works.)
What I'm saying is that each writer I know who has even gotten on the free water circuit took a slightly different bridge over the chasm. And once a bridge has been used, it's no longer available for anyone else.
It's like each bridge has it's own fingerprint of a snowflake on the cornea of its DNA. Only not as cliched and bludgeoned to death.
The routes are unique, but there is a crucial common denominator. Each writer told a great story that exhibited both professionalism and a unique personality.
Are you a spec writer planning your assault on the studio gates by modeling your strategy after a successful route taken by another writer?
Do you say to yourself, Diablo Cody was a stripper who kept a cool blog, so I'll do that.
Or, I heard Antwone Fisher worked as a guard at Sony and he handed Denzel his script, so I'll do that.
Or, Robert Rodriguez shot his movie for a few thousand dollars and edited it on a VCR, so I'll do that.
Well, stop it. Shift your thinking a bit and picture it more like this...
Imagine you're standing at the edge of a ragged, fiery, bottomless chasm. And standing on each side of you, shoulder to shoulder, for as far as you can see, are your fellow spec writers.
On the other side of the chasm are the studios. And spanning the chasm are millions of rickety rope bridges. The wind's howling and it's real nasty and you get it.
Then, every now and then, one of your writing brethren lets out a banshee scream and goes charging across one of the wispy bridges. Most of the time they get halfway over the chasm and the bridge collapses and they disappear into shrieking fiery anguish.
But every once in a while...
Someone makes it to the other side. The angels sing, the gates part, and it's free hookers and blow for everyone.
But what most of the writers still standing across the chasm don't notice is that just as the lucky writer made it to solid land, the bridge that writer chose disappeared in a phit (made up word, but it works.)
What I'm saying is that each writer I know who has even gotten on the free water circuit took a slightly different bridge over the chasm. And once a bridge has been used, it's no longer available for anyone else.
It's like each bridge has it's own fingerprint of a snowflake on the cornea of its DNA. Only not as cliched and bludgeoned to death.
The routes are unique, but there is a crucial common denominator. Each writer told a great story that exhibited both professionalism and a unique personality.
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