Closure

If you've been following current events, you know that as a country we have been pitted against each other on a number of topics. But none like this.

Finally, finally, finally, people, we can put this decisive issue behind us. I can not tell you how thankful I am to have this decided once and for all.

Ahhh, Kids

According to those who track this sort of thing, teenagers today are having less sex and doing fewer drugs. There was no data on rock and roll usage.

Yes, I know statistics can be massaged to say whatever those wielding the statistics want them to say. But, looking closely at this study, I'm afraid there's only one way to interpret it -- these kids need a mentor.

Rather than a Big Brother program, think of it more like a Cool Albeit Somewhat Wayward Uncle Program (CASWUP). Feel free to turn your baseball cap sideways and say it with me, "CASWUP!"

So, as the inaugural gesture of CASWUP, I think a quick vocabulary lesson is required. Kids, your first assignment is to learn this word. There will be a test. Tough love.

I Salute You

You, crazy orange dudes, are my heroes. If I were in your sandals, partying like it was 1999 BC, and a giant mechanical steel-plated pterodactyl flew overhead, I would be soiling myself in a corner of the hut.

But you grab a bow and arrow. Awesome.

Now You've Gone Too Far

Apparently there is a movement (pun initially unintended but now arguably intended simply by inclusion) in San Francisco to rename Oceanside Wastewater Treatment Facility to the “George W. Bush Sewage Plant.”

Come on, San Francisco, you've definitely crossed the line. What did that poor sewage plant ever do to you?

Running Unopposed

A 13-year-old boy in Texas snagged his dad's credit card and went on a $30,000 spending spree that ended with him and his friends playing Xbox with hookers in a hotel. When busted he told police that his father wouldn't mind, since it was his birthday last week and his dad had forgotten to get him a present. The father, a lawyer, said he had been too busy, but would take him on a surprise trip to Disneyland instead.

Let's see...

Misappropriation of funds -- check
Fraud -- check
Great excuse -- check
Keeping Your Homies Hooked Up -- check
Hookers -- check
Going To Disneyland -- check
Future Governor -- check

The Rock Island Line

Please tell me that at least somebody here was drunk.

Rock Island, Tennesee (AP) - Sometimes, you just know it’s going to be a bad day. Just ask Justin Hill, a 42-year-old Tennessee man.

One minute he’s turning in to his driveway - then he’s on his way to hospital, watching his home go up in flames. Then he got a traffic ticket. Tennessee police say Hill got into a crash after turning into the path of an oncoming car Tuesday evening.

Hill’s wife heard the crash and ran outside, leaving her cooking on the kitchen stove. Within minutes, their trailer was on fire, and firefighters who had responded to the accident found themselves fighting the blaze. The rural central Tennessee home has extensive damage.

Hill was treated at the hospital and released, but he was cited in the accident for failure to yield.

in the belly

Still under the gun on two scripts. In the meantime, the 5 Years Time Sampler from Noah and the Whales makes me smile.